Bad at Business
by Patricia de Lioncourt
Summary: Angel S5 at least, perhaps post. SPN S6. Dick Roman was very surprised to find Illyria sitting in his office, the very last person he'd want to see.


**A/N: **This idea has been floating around just a tad in my brain. What better time then Fic-a-Day? Also, I'm using this to cover my Wild Card square for spnpairingbingo. August Fic-a-day 6.

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><p><strong>Bad at Business<strong>

When Dick Roman—unquestioned leader of the Leviathan—hesitated in closing the door of his lavish office behind him, it meant something. It meant something _big_. But he closed it anyway. After all, it was a rule of business, he was sure. Even if you're scared, don't let the other one see you scared. Important. Majorly important to not let the other smell fear. That was true even with the beasts.

So Dick closed the door and plastered the smile he had had to practice after eating most of the actual Roman, and turned toward his visitor—whom he would note was sitting almost too deliberately in his office chair.

The body had changed, quite a bit. Instead of a towering, fearsome monster of a thing, the body was now of a slender woman, shorter than Dick was now. Not much, but, yes, shorter. The body was covered in a purplish armor that seemed almost seared to the flesh, and the flesh as well as the hair was tinged with blue. Dick widened his smile.

"Illyria. Gotta say… didn't expect you," he said, entering further into his own office, headed directly for the bar.

"Nor I you," _she_ said.

Illyria, god _king_ was now a female. How interesting. Dick reached for his finest scotch. Illyria stood.

"Make no ill movements toward me, slave."

Dick almost crushed the very expensive crystal glass in his hand. With his smile now gritted together, he turned toward her.

"I'm not your slave anymore. That ended when I was damned to Purgatory. Funny thing, _highness_, I didn't see _you_ there."

Her eyes flitted about the room, no doubt taking it all in. She might be here, and she might be inhabiting a body, but she had most definitely not learned how to blend in the with the upright cattle as he had. That gave him a sense of profound pride, and he took a causal seat in one of the plush arm chairs in the center of the office.

"My enslavement to the God King ended when I sacrificed myself in your place. When I went to Purgatory instead of you."

The words were steady, but the implication was clear. The powerful hatred contained within was as plain as day. Illyria cocked her head at an angle no human would.

"So you would blame your," she eyed him up and down for a moment, "_lessened_ state on me? You were willing to sacrifice. All of you were."

Dick gripped the arms of the chair, leaning up as he felt his nails dig into the fabric.

"You said that we were to be _honored_. To be _rescued_. Instead, you, and all the other _gods_ left us to rot in Purgatory. So, we began to plan. To organize. So we could return. And so we have. And we will devour this planet, one human_ cow_ at a time."

Illyria turned, and she seemed almost contemplative. She barely glanced over her shoulder, her eyes heavy-lidded.

"The humans have grown strong. They have their own warriors now."

Dick snorted. Actually snorted. He gestured to his office door, indicating the world beyond.

"You mean like the _Winchesters_? Well, there's not a chance there. They'll die. And I bet they'll taste just like Big Macs."

"Don't be foolish!" Illyria snapped, whirling. "Don't you wonder, slave? Don't you wonder where the rulers, the _true_ rulers of your kind went? What became of your Kings?"

Dick leaned back, his grin firmly in place. "In passing."

"Humans. Slayers and humans and the like. We were cut down, locked inside a Deeper Well. And they'll do the same to you."

Dick shrugged, leaning forward in his seat again. But he was much more relaxed now. More inquisitive. He clasped his hands, resting his arms on his legs, brow arched.

"Why are you telling me this? Are you… concerned? Because that's not like you. Not the you I remember… _serving_."

Illyria averted her eyes. And Dick was still hanging on to that smile.

"You're possessing that body. Like a lower demon. The Old Ones have been diminished, just as you say we have. You hollowed out that girl you're in, and it's had a side effect on you. You… feel. Just a little. And you're worried about the last of the kind you've got left. Us leviathans."

She didn't answer for a moment, and Dick was positively radiating smugness. Finally, Illyria locked eyes with him for the first time since their conversation began.

"You are a fool. You always have been. And it will cost you your race. No matter how much the roach multiples, the proper poison will be applied."

She came out from behind the desk, making her way to the door. Just as she reached for it, a transformation came over her body. The armor was replaced with human clothing, and the blue was gone from the otherwise dark hair and pale skin. Now, a smiling young woman turned back to Roman.

"Purgatory was my gift to you, to properly protect you from the Great One. I negotiated your imprisonment myself. And you've squandered it. I've learned from the humans. But I don't think you ever will. And it will be your death. This is my only warning."

It was so surreal. Gone was the harsh tone of his former master layered over a human vocal system. Now, it was simply the voice of a girl from Texas, giving sad advice. Dick still grinned.

"See you 'round, Illyria."

"I doubt it," she said, leaving the office.

Dick sat in his chair just a moment longer, smiling at the door she had exited through. Finally, he pulled out his phone, dialing his man he had put in charge of digging. When he answered, Roman was perfectly cordial.

"So, how's it going? Tell me you have good news," Dick asked.

"Yes, sir. I believe… well, I believe we've found it. The tablet," answered the voice on the other end of the phone.

Illyria and her Old Ones may have perished… but that was only because they had been bad at business. Dick's smile was greatly Cheshire.

"Excellent."

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><p>End Notes: So, yeah, in my mind, leviathans were just lower level Old Ones who got caught by God and purged into Purgatory. That's my theory, and I'm sticking with it, lol.<p> 


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